Over an espresso con panna this past weekend, a girlfriend confessed her fight or flight response to her date. In hushed tones she whispered that they had made it back to her place when he prematurely disrobed and revealed, not the classic boxer brief or trunk, but a fluorescent smiley face print thong.

After the lengthy intervals of laughter subsided, I wondered, “Where does a guy get a dayglo men’s thong in our increasingly stylish, yet still puritanically- influenced city of Boston?”  The answer was as close as the Marshall’s on Boylston street.  I took photos pretending to ignore the sales associates’ glare.  Now, while I’ve seen bad underwear on the racks before, it never occurred to me that they actually left the store with someone.  I always figured underwear like that ended up getting recycled into sponges or melted down into a Snuggie.  But clearly men out there are buying them, so just in case you ever wonder if you should expand your skivvies style, do not under any circumstances try these.

The last thing women want to find out about you at that oh-so-fragile, tender moment - the unveiling of your stylish attire- is that your stairway to heaven leads straight to Tacky Town.