So you’ve been invited to an event and the invitation reads “Dress To Impress”.  Hmmm, sometimes you’re impressed that you remembered pants that day, so does that count?

Here’s some helpful guidelines to dispel the mystery.  Starting with the shoes and working our way up, here’s what should (and shouldn’t) be on your body.

Shoes - Obviously no gym sneakers.  Sketchers, while ok for casual parties are a bit low brow for a stylin crowd.  That doesn’t mean you have to break out those uncomfortable dress shoes, plenty of in between options like a slip on, driving moc, or streamline street shoe.  Extra bonus points if you opt out of black.  Style isn’t about matching, it’s about coordinating- color shoes add excitement to traditional color schemes and look great with denim.  You don’t have to go out full technicolor either, a grey or color accented shoe can also step up your overall look. 

Pants – Most clubs and party venues now welcome jeans- not dad jeans, well cut, unripped (unless you’re with the band) modern wash jeans.  If you prefer a trouser, flat front only.  Again, go beyond black, like a taupe with subtle print of glen plaid or window pane can coordinate with almost anything.  Lightweight wool or linen for a summer event will keep you cool as the room fills up.  Keep the socks in line with the color of your pants, remember the ankle is an extension of the leg.  You can also go for a creative print, but avoid silly novelties like cartoon characters.

Shirting -  If you are only wearing a dress shirt make sure you nail the fit.  Being swallowed by your shirt doesn’t showcase you in a power position. French cuff shirts with links always add some elegance.  Wearing it without a tie? If you’re going to wear a undershirt, make sure it’s a V-neck so the collar doesn’t so the top doesn’t stick out from the unbuttoned collar, we may love accessories but an underachievers ascot is never where it’s at. 

If you prefer a T-shirt or a knit make sure these pieces are refined rather than loud.  Graphic Ts aka Jersey Shore are the fabric equivalent of jaundice, looks good on no one.  Unless your T-Shirt is hand crafted like a Murcielago, add some more interest to your look with another layer.  Tailored vest, lightweight cashmere v-neck or masculine (not Mr. Rogers) cardigan, or… 

Sport coat – A modern, Italian cut sport coat is the easiest, most instant way to dress up and dignifiy what you’re wearing.  Looks just as stellar over a well selected T or dress shirt, with jeans or with slacks.  And, provides you extra storage for your smart phone, wallet, and James Bond USB stick into poison dart key chain.  

Accessories – Accessories pull your look together and are the finishing elements that make women want to touch you, and guys secretly jealous that they didn’t think of wearing that too.  As with everything else on your body, only wear the accessories that you feel confident in.  A neatly folded pocket square in your sport coat pocket,  a well woven straw fedora, a tie or for some more youthful edge, embellished bow tie, are just a few accessory options. Remember your belt does not need match your shoes, as noted earlier, it’s about coordination not matching.

When it’s all put together your natural swagger should be as noticeable as a Vuvuzela in a library.  If all of this sounds scary and confusing, stop hyperventilating.  Show up, order a Kettle One martini, mingle, and be your most comfortable self.  Besides, confidence is the sexiest accessory.

Emmi Versus the Spiderman from Todd Randolph on Vimeo.

Over an espresso con panna this past weekend, a girlfriend confessed her fight or flight response to her date. In hushed tones she whispered that they had made it back to her place when he prematurely disrobed and revealed, not the classic boxer brief or trunk, but a fluorescent smiley face print thong.

After the lengthy intervals of laughter subsided, I wondered, “Where does a guy get a dayglo men’s thong in our increasingly stylish, yet still puritanically- influenced city of Boston?”  The answer was as close as the Marshall’s on Boylston street.  I took photos pretending to ignore the sales associates’ glare.  Now, while I’ve seen bad underwear on the racks before, it never occurred to me that they actually left the store with someone.  I always figured underwear like that ended up getting recycled into sponges or melted down into a Snuggie.  But clearly men out there are buying them, so just in case you ever wonder if you should expand your skivvies style, do not under any circumstances try these.

The last thing women want to find out about you at that oh-so-fragile, tender moment - the unveiling of your stylish attire- is that your stairway to heaven leads straight to Tacky Town.

Maintaining good style in the face of a New England winter can seem akin to staying afloat in a dingy during the perfect storm, and nowhere is the struggle more evident than with men’s sweaters. 

When the mercury drops, too many men with perfectly good bodies don potato-sack-shaped woollen body bags in the name of warmth. You know, the kind made for hearty sheep farmers herding flock on windy Irish hillsides- perfectly charming in that context, but out of place in a metropolitan city setting, especially for business.  

Plus, bulking up is not where it’s at;  in fact you’ll stay warmer, more attractive, and comfortable through indoor/outdoor temperature changes by layering clothing that fits closer to the body.

While previous seasons were favoring thin knits like cashmere and silk, this season the focus is on thicker knits like Fair Isle and cable knit.  But not all thick knit sweaters are created equal, and the cut and size you choose can make all the difference between looking ruggedly handsome and looking like a man with too many cats who collects figurines.

Look at the example above: On the left we have the afore mentioned sack-shaped sweater, which is doing no favors for that man’s body.  On the right is an equally thick wool sweater, yet it still maintains the desired, masculine V-shape of his upper body.  How?

1. Since bulky knits generally run large rather than true to size, try a size smaller than you usually wear and you may find it fits much better.

2. It’s got a front zipper, so the vertical line lengthens and slims the torso.

3. Coordination: The V-shape is emphasized by unzipping the sweater to the mid-chest revealing a darker brown T-shirt underneath which features a graphic in the same color as the sweater. 

Add a scarf and you’ll be equally, if not warmer,  than in the blob+turtleneck combo, and guess which one will fit better under your coat?

A guy who wears a bow-tie could never hit a girl, right? Photo by PETER STONE/CNN  

Dressing for a public apology is different from dressing for any other public appearance because you want to portray respect, humility, and remorse rather than power and authority.  But it is equally distasteful to go overboard trying to appear gentile and dapper because it is easy to cross the line to mockery.

This is particularly true if you’re apologizing for the merciless beating a petite, defenseless woman who is a passenger in your rented Lamborghini.

Let’s hope you never find yourself having to make a public show of remorse, especially for such a heinous and distasteful act, but just in case the media does catch on to your Brazilian mistress, performance enhancing drug usage, or acceptance of bribes, here’s what to wear. 

Unlike your actions your attire should be straightforward and understated.  It should not scream any message to your viewing public.  Your best choice is a dark grey wool suit; not black – you don’t want to appear to be dressing for your own funeral.  Pair it with a white shirt and a grey silk tie with a simple, subdued pattern.  

Avoid bright colors.  A tone on tone color scheme is unobtrusive and dignified, and provides just the backdrop you want while ingratiating yourself to the public again.  Lastly, wearing anything with even a hint of flashiness will not help your case, like too much bling or say, a big Robbin’s egg blue bow-tie. 

A: Yes, this:

When it comes to swim trunks, avoid wearing anything too tight, flashy, or revealing.

When “change” came to America, was it only from the waist up?

I must admit that, as major news networks, politico bloggers, and late show hosts all got themselves worked into a lather because of a single pair of jeans, I felt a little giddy.  Not only because, in part, I’ve dedicated my life to preventing getup gaffes for my clients, but also because our President perfectly illustrated a core belief of mine about men and clothing:  where most men get into sartorial trouble is in their casual clothes.

Suiting up is to dressing down like paint by numbers is to abstract art.  One is relatively straightforward while the other requires a significantly higher degree of proficiency to look good.

When Obama was asked about his denim dilemma, the most powerful man in the free world suddenly sounded like every client I’ve ever worked with, “I hate to shop and those jeans are comfortable.”  Oh I know that swan song all too well – my clients say that so often I refer to it as background music that accompanies me as I clear their closet of pleated pants,  sweaters from grandma, and of course,  frump jeans.

Many men, the Commander-in-Chief included, naturally defend what they’re comfortable in and mistakenly think they can’t update to what’s modern because it’s going to be extreme (hence President Obama’s follow-up comment about him not being 20 and unable to fit into tight jeans).  I want to tell him what I tell countless other men:  it doesn’t have to be one extreme or the other, painfully hip or frumpville.  Comfort and good aesthetics are no longer mutually exclusive and there’s a whole world of casual clothing available to him that both feels and looks great.

Now the closest I’ve gotten to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington is when I dressed one of my clients for his meeting with the President, but suddenly I have incentive to attempt access at the presidential closet directly.  So… I’m coming Mr. President, and I promise that once I’m done no one will ever tease your casual attire again!

Cyclops is angry.  Who could blame him?  His entire life he’s been subjugated to wearing two eye sunglasses.  But no more!  Designer Martin Margiela’s keen ‘futuristic’ design finally allows Cyclops the dignity he deserves.  Now he just needs some size 62 Addidas kicks to complete the look.

This ad is just too good to leave back in the 70s.  For those of you who had forgotten that America went through a period when an adult onesie signified “sex machine,” I present to you:  The Big Zip.  This Bee Gees meets Scarface meets gas station attendant getup has a spot on marketing message too, promising to transform you into a “walking turn on” because it “fits so tight it shows all you’ve got.”  Or perhaps one also has to carry around a giant wooden staff for maximum effect.