So you’ve been invited to an event and the invitation reads “Dress To Impress”.  Hmmm, sometimes you’re impressed that you remembered pants that day, so does that count?

Here’s some helpful guidelines to dispel the mystery.  Starting with the shoes and working our way up, here’s what should (and shouldn’t) be on your body.

Shoes - Obviously no gym sneakers.  Sketchers, while ok for casual parties are a bit low brow for a stylin crowd.  That doesn’t mean you have to break out those uncomfortable dress shoes, plenty of in between options like a slip on, driving moc, or streamline street shoe.  Extra bonus points if you opt out of black.  Style isn’t about matching, it’s about coordinating- color shoes add excitement to traditional color schemes and look great with denim.  You don’t have to go out full technicolor either, a grey or color accented shoe can also step up your overall look. 

Pants – Most clubs and party venues now welcome jeans- not dad jeans, well cut, unripped (unless you’re with the band) modern wash jeans.  If you prefer a trouser, flat front only.  Again, go beyond black, like a taupe with subtle print of glen plaid or window pane can coordinate with almost anything.  Lightweight wool or linen for a summer event will keep you cool as the room fills up.  Keep the socks in line with the color of your pants, remember the ankle is an extension of the leg.  You can also go for a creative print, but avoid silly novelties like cartoon characters.

Shirting -  If you are only wearing a dress shirt make sure you nail the fit.  Being swallowed by your shirt doesn’t showcase you in a power position. French cuff shirts with links always add some elegance.  Wearing it without a tie? If you’re going to wear a undershirt, make sure it’s a V-neck so the collar doesn’t so the top doesn’t stick out from the unbuttoned collar, we may love accessories but an underachievers ascot is never where it’s at. 

If you prefer a T-shirt or a knit make sure these pieces are refined rather than loud.  Graphic Ts aka Jersey Shore are the fabric equivalent of jaundice, looks good on no one.  Unless your T-Shirt is hand crafted like a Murcielago, add some more interest to your look with another layer.  Tailored vest, lightweight cashmere v-neck or masculine (not Mr. Rogers) cardigan, or… 

Sport coat – A modern, Italian cut sport coat is the easiest, most instant way to dress up and dignifiy what you’re wearing.  Looks just as stellar over a well selected T or dress shirt, with jeans or with slacks.  And, provides you extra storage for your smart phone, wallet, and James Bond USB stick into poison dart key chain.  

Accessories – Accessories pull your look together and are the finishing elements that make women want to touch you, and guys secretly jealous that they didn’t think of wearing that too.  As with everything else on your body, only wear the accessories that you feel confident in.  A neatly folded pocket square in your sport coat pocket,  a well woven straw fedora, a tie or for some more youthful edge, embellished bow tie, are just a few accessory options. Remember your belt does not need match your shoes, as noted earlier, it’s about coordination not matching.

When it’s all put together your natural swagger should be as noticeable as a Vuvuzela in a library.  If all of this sounds scary and confusing, stop hyperventilating.  Show up, order a Kettle One martini, mingle, and be your most comfortable self.  Besides, confidence is the sexiest accessory.

Spring weather can be more fickle than your hot but crazy ex-girlfriend who broke up and reunited with you on a weekly basis.

A smart accessory that will help take you from chilly to warm in comfort and style is a lightweight (sometimes called spring-weight) scarf.  They come in a variety of fabrics from silk to muslin and in any color/print your heart desires.  You can tie lightweight scarves in the same traditional ways as your heavier winter ones.  Or, try this tucked alternative which looks chic under a jacket, vest, knit, or button down shirt. It’s easy and I promise that if you do it correctly, you will get compliments.  

Drape the scarf around your neck as you normally would, cross the ends to make a V shape across your chest and then tuck the ends underneath your top layer. Done.

If you choose to rock this look with a button down shirt rather than a jacket or vest, make sure the scarf is thin enough so it doesn’t look like you have a mountain of chest hair trying to break through your shirt (think: alien baby).

Over an espresso con panna this past weekend, a girlfriend confessed her fight or flight response to her date. In hushed tones she whispered that they had made it back to her place when he prematurely disrobed and revealed, not the classic boxer brief or trunk, but a fluorescent smiley face print thong.

After the lengthy intervals of laughter subsided, I wondered, “Where does a guy get a dayglo men’s thong in our increasingly stylish, yet still puritanically- influenced city of Boston?”  The answer was as close as the Marshall’s on Boylston street.  I took photos pretending to ignore the sales associates’ glare.  Now, while I’ve seen bad underwear on the racks before, it never occurred to me that they actually left the store with someone.  I always figured underwear like that ended up getting recycled into sponges or melted down into a Snuggie.  But clearly men out there are buying them, so just in case you ever wonder if you should expand your skivvies style, do not under any circumstances try these.

The last thing women want to find out about you at that oh-so-fragile, tender moment - the unveiling of your stylish attire- is that your stairway to heaven leads straight to Tacky Town.

Trend #1: No Rules.

It used to be the case that specific clothing items were “in” or “out” of fashion with everything supposed to be worn a particular way, and being in style meant following those rules.  Some men prefer easy-to-follow rules, sensing that fashion freedom will create too much room for error (incidentally, that’s where an image consultant comes in handy).  But now fashion, especially casual menswear, has gone the way of the individual - just like a BK Whopper, you can have it your way.  Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly look good in anything and everything (very few men actually look good in pleated pants), and there are still dated items, like the super square toe dress shoe of the 90’s. However, the old rules of not wearing black with brown, no white after Labor Day, matchy-matchy belt and shoes combinations, etc. are gone baby gone.  This embracing of individuality means that when you make choices about clothes, pay the most attention to how you feel wearing them and whether or not they flatter your physique and are appropriate for your lifestyle, and least about what is ”in”.

Trend #2: No Excuses.

“But they’re comfortable!”  The 3 words men most frequently utter while I’m clearing their closet of Dad jeans and over-sized freebie T-shirts (and they wonder why the spark in their marriage or dating life is gone).  Back in the day, it used to be that comfort and style were elements rarely combined in the same garment. Let’s use men’s shoes as an example. Think of the countless men opting for bulky athletic sneakers to wear with their jeans because they think it’s the only casual comfortable shoe available to them.  But designers have known for some time now that people want both form and function; just because we’re not at the office doesn’t mean we have to devolve into frumpy, undesirable blobs.  Now, no matter what the activity – professional, social, or sporty – there is an easily attainable, attractive option to the purely functional and fugly predecessor.  Even L.L. Bean, king of plaid flannel cabin wear, is launching a stylish, casual clothing line: reinforcing that other than laziness, there is no excuse to look like a schleb.

Consider it a like a snuggie for your neck, a tube dress for the throat, and love em or hate em you are going to be seeing snoods everywhere this winter. 

Retailers are pushing these impulse purchases out like octomoms perhaps hoping that at their modest price points consumers will realize how cumbersome traditional scarves have become.  Snoods originated to hold back a woman’s hair and over several decades have morphed into a tube scarf that can double as a hood.  Interesting to note a snood image search on google brought up a surprising number of dogs in snoods. Do we have a zoonotic trend here? 

So whether you’re inspired to look like the brooding Burberry model or sparky up there, only part with your cash for a snood if you’re certain you’re gonna wear it with confidence.

If there’s one thing retailer H&M does exceptionally well, it’s quickly bring spot-on trends to market at affordable price points (albeit dubious quality, but therein lies the eternal trifecta conundrum - you can have it cheap, fast, or good. Pick two).

This is why I’m very curious to see H&M debut a new menswear collection from famed high end women’s shoemaker Jimmy Choo.  If you’re thinking “Jimmy who?”, then ask any well dressed woman near you but be ready to endure moderate screeching and frantic eye darting while she examines you to make sure you aren’t holding a pair behind your back.

The Jimmy Choo menswear line hits H&M stores in select states on Nov. 14th hoping to wardrobe the boyfriends and husbands of their shoe loving clientele.  The collection will include suiting separates, knits, jeans, jackets, and shoes; with a focus on simple lines and subtle detailing.  So, best case scenario, you’ll effortlessly look like a rock star.  Worst case scenario, you’ll have new pick line, “Hey baby, I’m wearing my Jimmy Choo shoes too.”

Victor's Secret?

There was a most interesting story in the Metro this week.  After being launched earlier this year, bras for men have been selling out of stock in Japan.

This darkest of Victoria’s Secrets was originally produced in a single color, which clearly doesn’t work for the typical male who needs a variety of lingerie, is now available in three.  Not being able to read Japanese well I can’t guarantee that my wording is 100% correct here, but from just looking at the man bra website, I believe the three colors are:  Why the f*@# are you wearing that black,  Oh no now I need to stab my eyes out pink, and Why does this always happen on my dates white.  Too vanilla for you? There’s also a leopard print.

Show 'em you're a tiger animal print now available with matching panty!

According to Wishroom, the company manufacturing the Men’s Premium Brassiere, the over-the-shoulder-nothing-holder is not being purchased for visual ‘benefit’ but rather for stress relief, “One customer said when he wears a bra he feels he can ‘reset’ his feelings. If something bad happens he puts on a bra and feels he can come back and fight another day.”  Really? What happened to practicing meditation to manage stress?  For the love of all things even remotely rational, if this is happening in a country where more than half of the population practices Zen Buddhism, what hope is there for the rest of us?!

First, bras for men beat out pantyhose for men as the creepiest surprise under a man’s clothes that a woman can find.

Second,  no woman (being the authority on the bra experience) has ever said “I’ve had the most awful day, after I put ON this bra everything will be all better, itchy under-wire take me away!”

Third and perhaps most important,  if you’re a man whose job has become so stressful you’re shopping for a new bra.  Shop for a new job instead.

Lastly, take a moment to appreciate your position, you are not the poor Norwegian model seen here clutching his chest.  Considering that he did not wear a bra during the photo shoot,  he was probably unaware of exactly how this assignment would play out and thinking “I’m the face of Japan’s newest cutting edge chest protecting technology.”  Perhaps something was lost in translation in his modeling contract.

One of the most common seasonal complaints I hear from men is that during the sleety and snowy months of winter they have no shoe option to wear with suits other than galoshes. One client shared with me that he used to cover his dress shoes with large plastic bags and rubber band them at the top thinking he would always get a chance to remove his self proclaimed “homemade ghetto booties” before his meetings. That was before he bumped into his potential customers who had arrived early for a sales pitch in the lobby of his office and had to escort them to the conference room, swishing the entire time.

Luckily, your tireless image consultant has found the perfect solution. Pictured above, the Ecco lace up shoe and boot are waterproof, comfortable and completely appropriate for both business and casual attire. What makes them waterproof? According to Mike Harris, the manager of the Walking Company in the Copley Mall, “They are fully lined with Gortex, an air permeable, water impermeable membrane”.  Sounds like wearing a Spider-Man suit on your feet. Both the shoe and boot retail for under $200.